This is the final installment in this series. I have been addressing topics and current issues where too often the radical views on either side are driving the narrative. It is my contention that we are at our healthiest when we stray from these radical views and work toward the middle where tension resides. Working through the tension causes us to see the point of view of others and establish a place of peace – internally and in relationships with others.

In this finale, I want to talk about the intersection of guilt, shame, and forgiveness. The radical views on this topic could result in a complete lack of forgiveness which manifests in holding grudges, seeking revenge, or advocating for harsh penalties. On the other end of the radical views, we might see mercy that ignores necessary consequences or excuses poor behavior. On either end of the scale, these views can be applied to ourselves or extended outward toward others.

Twice in the Scriptures God says of Himself, “I will remember their sin no more.” (See Jeremiah 31:34 and Hebrews 8:12). This is not because God is a forgetful old man; rather this is a choice He makes. It is His promise that through forgiveness – because He is God – He has capacity to choose to remember our sins no more. It is important to note, though, that this is not an alignment with the radical view I mentioned above that ignores necessary consequences or excuses poor behavior. God Himself has borne the consequences through the provision of His Son, Jesus Christ. And it is necessary for us to believe in His Son, admit our own shortcomings, and commit to the effort to do better.

On the other hand, because we are NOT God, we do not share the same capacity for choosing to forget wrongdoing. To understand the tension of the middle on this topic, I believe we must answer the question “why?” Why do we remember or what purpose is served by our remembering? Let’s look at an answer to that question with application to ourselves and toward others.

From our own perspective, what purpose is served by remembering our past failures? First, an answer from the negative perspective – we do NOT remember past wrongdoing for purposes of generating feelings of guilt or shame. These feelings serve to paralyze us and destine us for failing again. We remember for the purpose of knowing we do not want to repeat our mistakes. Think of it this way: God’s mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23), so the least we can do is give ourselves a break. Remember yesterday’s shortcoming, forgive yourself, and live today differently.

When it comes to others, I believe there are two primary beneficial outcomes that can come from our remembering wrongs done to us or seeing someone else’s faults even if not directed at us:

1. We can remind ourselves to offer forgiveness – repeatedly if necessary. After all, we are also guilty and have been forgiven.
2. We can guard ourselves from being harmed physically or emotionally. Forgiveness does not include permission to repeat an offense. On the other hand, forgiveness does cover said repeat offenses.

The Golden Rule is always a good measuring stick: Do to others what you would have them to do you.